Finding Help

Many years ago when I was a young mother with a failing marriage, I fell into a deep funk. I was on the edge. I wasn't going to kill myself because my son was alive then. I know people who have children commit suicide but when my son was alive this just wasn't an option. I could hang on for him and I tried real hard to put a happy face on for him even if I couldn't for myself, but that night I just felt like I was going to snap.

I called Duke University Hospital. I was going to admit myself. The woman on the other end of the line was so rude and insensitive I hung up the phone. I guess I wasn't too far gone because somehow I managed. But I wonder how many times this has happened. How many times has someone committed suicide and the whole world wonders why the person didn't seek help? My guess is they did -- many times and no one listened.

With the advent of medication and the numerous commercials about anti-depressant medication it seems that the nondepressed public has acquired the opinion that depression can be treated the same way you treat a headache -- take a pill and you feel better. It is a much more complicated than that.

I am working with a family physician right now. I like him. I am more candid with him than I ever would be with a psychiatrist or therapist. I have decidedly negative views about psychiatry. With that said I have several friends who are therapists and I know they are good. They are truly invested and care about their clients. I also know psychiatrists I respect, I just never had a particularly good experience. I think Wally Lamb's book "I Know this Much is True" captures my experience with "helpers" pretty well. It is not my intent to bash the helping profession, I have a Masters degree in counseling myself, I just want to share honestly my own personal experiences.

A footnote: I guess the final message should be keep trying. Your recovery journey is your own. I was honest about my experiences but as I started to closed I started to fear that I may haved turned someone off to therapy or psychiatry based on my experience. Many people have been helped by both. I know I sound like am and talking out of both sides of my mouth -- perhaps I am.